Sorry For the Toothy Blow Job Bacon and Goat Cheese Pasta

It happens. You don't want it too (alright sometimes you do, but that is for a completely different post). You take every precaution you learned in college, but there are times when you still wind up giving toothy head. I'm not talking a little scrape on the molars, I am talking cheese-grater here. I am talking penile abrasion. Granted this usually happens early in one's dick-sucking life (or when really drunk, I'll give you that); however, if you take his dick skin off with your teeth its only polite to make him a nice meal afterward. Consider this a "Gee, I'm really sorry about that- I'm sure it will grow back in no time, honey" recipe. Of course, you don't have to take his dick skin off to cook this, its just that its so fucking good that he'll have no choice but to forgive you.

I tend to be pretty lax about ingredient quantities. Its cooking, its not rocket science. If you like something add more, you don't like it take it out or substitute. Make a recipe your own. That way you can whip it up all spur-of-the-moment-like and really impress people.

Bacon, Goat-Cheese and Spinach Pasta

*this will actually make enough for four people- so either you gave a lot of bad head at an orgy or you want something to eat in bed later. Or your could cut the recipe in half.

1lb thick-cut bacon
1 medium sized sweet onion
1 16oz package of fresh baby spinach (go organic if you took the skin off the dick of an NPR listener)
8oz herbed goat cheese (the semi-soft kind)
3/4lbs campanile-shaped pasta (looks like a frilly trumpet- this shape seems to hold the flavors of the           sauce best and it looks classy)

Bring a large pot of salted water (it should taste like seawater, well, you know, minus the seaweed and diftwood elements).  Cook the pasta to al dente (about 12 minutes).

In the meantime, cut the bacon into 1 inch strips (I use kitchen shears- room temperature bacon is a bitch to try to cut with a knife). Fry the bacon until very crispy (not blackened- unless you like that, then by all means, burn those little mofos until your heart's content). You want to do this in a big, deep fry pan. We are going to put all kinds of shit into this pan later. Set the bacon aside to drain on a paper towel-covered plate.  Use a slotted spoon to take the bacon out because you need to save the bacon grease.

Slice the onion into approximately 2 inch by 1/4 inch pieces. Turn the heat on the bacon grease down to low-medium. Cook the onions in the bacon grease until translucent. You kitchen will now be enveloped in the kind of smell that will trigger a Pavlovian response in everyone within 50 feet- this is the first step toward forgiveness.

Once the onions are soft and translucent, add the spinach. You want to cook the spinach until it just starts to wilt. This is only going to take a couple of seconds. Once the spinach is wilted, add half of the goat cheese and stir until melted (again, this isn't going to take long). Add the drained pasta and stir until well-coated. Now you want to add the bacon and the the remaining goat-cheese. You can add the goat-cheese in smaller pieces to adjust for taste.

Voila (that's French for "forget your bleeding dick I have made you a scrumptious meal") your dinner is now ready to serve.